The question -
Out of the three women in this series, Hannah is the one I know the most. We both attended Indiana Wesleyan University together for two years and our back grounds in art and faith brought us together. We would have long conversations about God, love, fear and the future. In all of that, there were times that I felt like still really did not know Hannah. When transferring to Ohio University, time and connections were lost between us which widened this feeling.
Hannah has always been a kind, loving and crazy funny person. Yet, with all of that I have never met anyone who can get to a deep sense of the world around her. She able to connect and deal with deep emotional processes and questions and explain them in ways that just sound like poetry. When asking Hannah to model for me and share her exposure with me, it was not hard. Of course most of our conversations have been over Skype and messaging, the seriousness never left the conversations.
Me: “Hey Hannah! I have a question. I was wondering if I could use you as a model for
a painting? Since we are not together I was wondering if we could Skype and I could
tell you more about it?”
Hannah: “heyy yeah I would love too!”
I looked up the exposure or expose in the bible. and this is one of the only verses I found: “but everything exposed by the light becomes visible.” Eph 5:13
Love scares me. the action of loving a human that you are not naturally inclined to love, so not your family, is actually a supernatural act from God. I’m kinda going through an identity crisis in it’s self. maybe just identity search. I was always told who I was by my community....my whole life. kinder garden up to senior yr of college. NOW...I don’t have anyone to tell me who I am. it’s startling. nothing defines me here...it’s....odd.that’s another story.
I wrote this the other night and it fits really well:
It’s way more complicated than I thought, love that is. Love is strong willed yet selfless. It is painful yet the heart feels most at rest in it. Love doesn’t come to explain or answer all the burning questions in ones heart but it comes to tear down the systems of truth and meaning of life we have built up around our hearts that which we thought would keep up safe.
We love to the degree we have allowed ourselves to go into the uncharted waters. Those waters, where there is not a grid for politeness or the need to impress. Those waters carry the pain of the past and expectations for the future.
With no real chart how is one to know they’ve gone too far, or not far enough? When they hit an island of land, when the sun goes down? But what if land never comes? What if there is no explanation for the sun going down?
Yet, there is truth to all of these chaotic what if’s. The sun will always rise in the morning. And sooner or later, dry land will come.
The dangers of the waters could be a measurement of the degree to which we allow ourselves to fall in love.
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If a personal response was not written from the interviewee, I personally wrote response to the interview.