Interviews

Ethan

7/23/2016

Artist Response
Interviewee:Ethan
Interview date: 4/17/15

When first giving the idea to Ethan of participating in my portrait series, he was super excited. He was ready to start and take photos right away.

Days passed and I didn’t hear from Ethan, I wasn’t sure if he had gotten really busy or if he had changed his mind.
A friend had told me that she spoke to Ethan and told me he started to have second thoughts and was actually getting intimated or scared (our words). Then about a full week after talking to Ethan I saw him while screen-printing with with my friend. I made sure not to mention the process, because I know it is a sensitive area subject, many people don’t want too be involved. So I kept with the small chat. Then all of a sudden he apologized and explained being nervous about the process. How at first he was all ready, then it became more real.

We set up a day and met a couple days later. I was ready to listen because I knew he had and was really thinking about what I was asking him. He took to heart the process. I respected that.
There is such a beauty talking to people, many say I am an emotional being which I am and I love it. I love having a person exposed themselves to me and I to them. I love listening and being quiet for them to speak; as if my time is a pure essence of my self that I am giving them.

Ethan reminded me of this…

I was figuring out my camera when he walked into the room. We started talking about summer plans. Without any real gateway, he started talking about himself and how he is reserved person. Not that he is different with different people, but keeps aspects of himself away from others. Then he began talking about how he wonders if he was in a new town, who would he become. Would different aspects of himself be highlighted, then the aspects that showed in Athens. He said something about keeping the same front or face on and that is the one everyone knows as Ethan. He said he works to keep that and to not it have it tainted. Eye contact was sparing… and it came as if a reassurance. He continued on saying, he doesn’t really feel exposed… that he is firm in who he is. That he is in a happy place.

He spoke of hoping for a day with “comfort”. He gave the example of our professor,how he teaches then goes home and has a comfortable house then does art in the evenings. You could see this relaxed gaze go over his face.

He spoke how his family plays games together (he himself being a game maker). I asked him if his family ever played his games he created. He said one brother helped him play test one game but he kept his games to himself… Then he continued by saying that he was really reserved on what he shared with his family. That they knew parts of him and he loved them but they didn’t really know him.
This was interesting, He was telling me that he kept aspects of himself only to himself and shared only select parts to people. And if the possibility came when moving he may share different parts of himself and keep what he showed in Athens to himself. This idea interested me because it was similar to another interviewee said to me. This idea of being reserved was really important to Ethan.

Mike

7/23/2016

Artist Response
Interviewee: Mike
Interview Date: 4/3/15

At the beginning of the interview, Mike was calm and I was actually calm too. Humor entered the conversation quickly, to lighten the heaviness of the discussion. We started out just talking as friends or classmates.

First he talked about how he grew up in the small town of Amanda, Ohio. Where everyone knew each other and everyone is a strong/ strike Christian (hard right home). He spoke quickly of his past, how he used to be heavier and the only aspect that made him “cool” (my terms) was his drawing abilities. He said both of these backgrounds made him switch “personalities” when around different people, and this adapted even further after he loss weight.

“I still do this now” he told me and has even turned down different personalities of himself (stoner mike). I asked him if this was simply adapting to the situations he is in and he replied with, “that’s boring”. I also asked if the change in personalities could simply be him growing up and getting older. He thought about my question and then responded that if he said that he would be admitting to not being a child and would have to come to turns with being an adult. I respected that.

He continued on telling me of his time in a clinic for eating disorders, he explained that he never talked about it in Athens (the home of our college town) because it wasn’t part of him here. He didn’t want to be asked about it. I asked him if it exposed him here. He never said it did, but stated that he wanted to share that and that part of him was connected to another place, not this one.

“Manhood” was something else that Mike talked about. He told me how his father had a book about making men into knights and that’s how he felt he was raised. In this idea, men seek a set list of attributes and women seek to break out of their given attributes. He told me he searched for these but they were not part of what makes him Mike. His example was that he “would not take a zumba class".

Mike unlike the women, I did not have to prod he opened up quickly. Still reserved and held back but did so modestly and guides closely to my questions.

Momo

7/23/2016

Person Response By Momo
Presented on: 6/18/15

What’s exposure? And to what extend is this exposure accountable? Is it really necessary for someone to expose themselves to others? Surely, to a certain extent, the concept that vulnerability can be strength makes sense, but we also need our self-esteem, don’t we?

When Crystalyn invited me to participate in her exposed series, I excitedly agreed. But, then, I started to question if I am qualified enough to do this project.

My name’s Hongmo, but I go by Momo. I escaped China and came to the United States for college four years ago. I love adventuring and hate people who are ignorant. Whenever I sneeze in public, I’d make it sound like a cough, just to avoid interacting with others.After my death, I’d like to be cremated and be sent to the outer space.

Most people portray me as this innocent, nice girl who is quiet and sometimes shy, which is partially right but completely wrong. Don’t twist it. What I meant is that I think it’s just too naive to describe someone with only a few words, since every individual is a complicated creature and is constantly changing.

Anyway, the fact that I’m misunderstood by a lot of people makes me think whether it is my problem of being too reserved or are people just too blind to see. I don’t really have a specific answer to that, unfortunately, but if I had to guess, I’d say it has to do with both, more or less. This fast-pace world has granted people plenty of reasons to be negligent which is very typical a thing that doesn’t need to be explained more here. And it’s irritating and frustrating to be misunderstood, but I can’t blame it all on others because when I examine me, I found that, a lot of times, I consciously selectively present myself, that I deliberately keep things away from people, from my friends, families, and my love.

Isn’t it a bit hypocritical for me to talk about exposure here with you? Truly, I don’t know that much about it, and all I can tell you that choosing to hide something isn’t necessarily wrong or bad, it’s just a choice. I think that if somebody feels the need to protect themselves by hiding or even lying in order to make it fit with who they intrinsically think that they are, if they are not hurting anybody, I think it’s okay.

Johnna

7/23/2016

Artist Response Interviewee: Johnna
Interview Date: 4/22/15

The interview with Johanna started off with some nervousness from both sides. Johanna told me of her problems of over complicating things and this affected the process extremely.
This is the response she sent me before the actual interview:

"Exposure to me has a host of different meanings. On a positive note, I think it just means having courage to expose one’s identity through the world, and I can choose to do that through art— exposure is eye opening. It forces us to positively or negatively experience the world around us. Just today, in my psych class, which is based on therapeutic practices for children, the word exposure came up. But, in a less optimistic way, it was in reference to how maltreated children are exposed to abuse, neglect, and other things that are far beyond their maturity level. With something as general as the word “exposure,” I find myself searching for a single meaning to clutch onto, but I can’t. Maybe I’m exposing myself to that uncertainty. I think exposure in it holds a sense of fear, a sense of vulnerability to the world. To me, I think exposure links with courage. Courage to show oneself, and courage to see."

She focused a lot of the “idea” and definition of exposure instead of what it meant her life until I asked her. When I started this process, I tended to do the same thing, which is important, but the definition can become distorted when it becomes entwined with how a person perceives it.
I asked her how her definition above dealt with her personal experience of exposure. She talked a lot of how fear drives her. She is fascinated with death within her own artwork and she described how that is connected to her extreme fear of it. She continued to describe relationships and the fear of opening up herself to any relationship because of the fear of getting hurt (exposing herself in small section at a time) .Yet, when I asked her if it is her driving factor to courage she said yes. I could feel her limit her own responses to me as I spoke we spoke. Early in the conversation she spoke of herself tending to over think things and I believe while speaking with me she was doing this same thing.

Cori

7/23/2016

Personal Response : Cori Presented on: 5/24/16

Exposure to me is when people see all of you. Every flaw and beauty.
For me it's when they see the most true and raw emotions and pieces of you. I don't think of it as this negative flaw that is exposing parts of me I want to hide but rather showing who I truly I am.
I believe those who are close to you see this exposure. There are different elements of life that bring out different parts of you. For me, becoming a wife and mother exposed different parts and emotions of me I didn't know was there. Family and friends were opened up to a whole new vault of flaws and perfections. I picture it like you standing there in all white; plain and pure and everything just beaming from you.

Emily

7/23/2016

Personal Response: Emily
Presented On: 5/23/16

Having your vulnerabilities exposed can be very uncomfortable. Exposure gives a toxic burning feeling deep down inside because you have released an emotion, feeling, part of you, that no one else had known before.
In my photo I chose to smile to express the emotion of happiness, what makes me vulnerable. Not for the fact that I don’t like to smile or to be happy but because it seems that this part of me has been taken away so many times, on a level of family, relationships, friendships, etc., each time making it harder to express again. After so many times of being let down, or letting others take it away from me, it gave me the hopeless feeling that good things don’t last. Now in my life when good things occur or good people come along I catch myself taking a step back wondering if I should let my guard down, while always having the feeling of disappointment or hurt lingering in the back of my mind. I have become very vulnerable to expressing myself when it could be taken away from me at any moment.
Although throughout my experiences of difficult times occurring in my life, I have learned something very important which is to always make yourself happy first. Not one person or thing in this life should determine your happiness but yourself. Which is why, in exposing what makes me vulnerable, I chose to smile.

Sneha

7/23/2016

From the Artist The question
First meeting Sneha, I would say you would be intimated. She is a strong, brilliant women, who knows what she wants and this shows through. Even not knowing Sneha very well, I have come to see this from her. I met Sneha through a friend, and when exploring the idea of exposure asking her seemed to be of high interest to me. Sneha being from India, I questioned if her exposures would be align with the girls I asked from the states.

Me: “Hey Sneha! I hope your semester is starting off well! I have a question for you. I was wondering if you would be interested in modeling for me for a painting? I am doing a series of paintings with the concept of exposure. I would love to sit down and chat with you about the concept and what it means to you, and if you would like to model for the painting after that. If not its totally okay. Again hope you are well and hear from you soon!

Sneha- “ Sure : ) “

After this we met up at a coffee shop and I discussed the concept with her, like all of them she needed time to think it over.

Sneha's Response-
I accepted Crystalyn’s offer to be a model for her project “Being-Exposed” and we met to discuss the details. She asked me a question before discussing the details. She asked what “Being-Exposed” meant to me. And the very first thought that came to mind was my facial expressions.
I have always had a tough time hiding what and how I feel in any situation, as my facial expressions change immediately. And that’s when I feel that I am being exposed. So I told her this. I said it’s difficult for me to hide my feelings like happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, etc. Some times the situation requires that I don’t express in a certain way but I cant help it and people can see it on my face.
I literally feel that everything I have in my heart and mind is being exposed through my face. It even gets embarrassing at times. Like if I get mad at someone or some situation, it will be immediately seen on my face. Sometimes I don’t want the other person to know that I am mad but I can’t hide it.

Hannah

7/23/2016

The Artist
The question -

Out of the three women in this series, Hannah is the one I know the most. We both attended Indiana Wesleyan University together for two years and our back grounds in art and faith brought us together. We would have long conversations about God, love, fear and the future. In all of that, there were times that I felt like still really did not know Hannah. When transferring to Ohio University, time and connections were lost between us which widened this feeling.
Hannah has always been a kind, loving and crazy funny person. Yet, with all of that I have never met anyone who can get to a deep sense of the world around her. She able to connect and deal with deep emotional processes and questions and explain them in ways that just sound like poetry. When asking Hannah to model for me and share her exposure with me, it was not hard. Of course most of our conversations have been over Skype and messaging, the seriousness never left the conversations.

Me: “Hey Hannah! I have a question. I was wondering if I could use you as a model for

a painting? Since we are not together I was wondering if we could Skype and I could
tell you more about it?”
Hannah: “heyy yeah I would love too!”
Hannah's Response-

I looked up the exposure or expose in the bible. and this is one of the only verses I found: “but everything exposed by the light becomes visible.” Eph 5:13
Love scares me. the action of loving a human that you are not naturally inclined to love, so not your family, is actually a supernatural act from God. I’m kinda going through an identity crisis in it’s self. maybe just identity search. I was always told who I was by my community....my whole life. kinder garden up to senior yr of college. NOW...I don’t have anyone to tell me who I am. it’s startling. nothing defines me here...it’s....odd.that’s another story.

I wrote this the other night and it fits really well:
It’s way more complicated than I thought, love that is. Love is strong willed yet selfless. It is painful yet the heart feels most at rest in it. Love doesn’t come to explain or answer all the burning questions in ones heart but it comes to tear down the systems of truth and meaning of life we have built up around our hearts that which we thought would keep up safe.
We love to the degree we have allowed ourselves to go into the uncharted waters. Those waters, where there is not a grid for politeness or the need to impress. Those waters carry the pain of the past and expectations for the future.
With no real chart how is one to know they’ve gone too far, or not far enough? When they hit an island of land, when the sun goes down? But what if land never comes? What if there is no explanation for the sun going down?
Yet, there is truth to all of these chaotic what if’s. The sun will always rise in the morning. And sooner or later, dry land will come.

The dangers of the waters could be a measurement of the degree to which we allow ourselves to fall in love.

Katie

7/23/2016

From the Artist
The question -

When first meeting Katie it was a simple action of.. “hello”. I had met Katie through a friend, who had an art class with her in the past. She was always quiet , but always polite to others around her. This year, as I walked into my final year of college I happened to have a class with Katie. The social interactions with her, were never awkward or strange but of a new friend.

Which lead to the question.
Me: “Hey Katie, I have a question for you?”

Katie: “Sure , what’s up?”
Me: “I was wondering if you would be interested in modeling for me?”
After this I further explained my intents for the project at hand.
Me: “ Think of how you feel exposed and when we take photographs for the
painting, we can talk about them if you are comfortable”
Katie: “Sure” she says ending with a wide smile.

Katie's Response-
I feel a little more vulnerable than usual right now, but I suppose that’s the point. When Crystalyn first asked me to pose for a painting, I was excited to do it. We didn’t know each other well, but I was happy that she reached out. Talking with her about what exposes me was hard to do initially. I feel exposed in certain social contexts, and this process has been no exception. My own insecurities and anxieties make it difficult for me to reach out to others and reveal my true self or make connections easily, as I normally don’t open up to people who aren’t my very close friends. It’s difficult for me to even write this knowing that you, a stranger, will know this thing about me, which is why I’m being a little vague.

This whole process has allowed me to reflect on what really exposes me and possibly why I feel that way, though, and it’s honestly allowed me to start to cope with my shortcomings and maybe even accept them since I have had to physically come face to face with them. It’s a little uncomfortable, but a little in a good way.

Interview Collection